Bastard a funny word, its a word some would associate with me and they would be justified come with me as we venture into the mind of me for a bit and lets see what we discover........
Do you have a word you know how to spell but for some reason every now and then the spelling of the word comes up blank in your mind? for me for some odd reason receipt is the word my brain tends to forget why? lord knows but time and again receipt escapes me, I mean the word isn't even a hard word but no it gets lost in the vast mental highway know as my brain. Subject change! So I'm sitting here at work at what is it 3:34 am whilst listening to some Third Eye Blind wondering if I in fact have a semi charmed kind of life. I think introspectively I'd give my life up to this point a 7. Lets face it I'm a bastard in its most pure form I try not to be but years of people treating me like I'm insignificant and not worth while gets to you. Don't get me wrong I'm like maybe 60% bastard and 40% nice. Few see the internal anguish one goes through sure its easy to put on a smile and say a few silly things for laughs but when there are no people around an odd sense of anger fills me. I say its odd because I do it to myself I think things would be better for me if I would not stress over things that frustrate me i generally tend to freak out over the smallest thing and i think about it too much and the more I think about the madder it makes me which if i maybe thought about a solution instead of having a mini panic attack. To get back to the bastard part I say this because I am rude to people for no reason what so ever. The one example that's bugged me for a bit now is how I acted to a co-worker of mine named Cora. What she did was put her food in my box and I acted like an ass about it for no reason really, sure I don't really like other peoples stuff in my box it is a tad annoying but I acted out of turn, instead of asking whats this I acted like a jackass and I am sure made Cora dislike me a bit. According some I have a personality people either love or hate. I feel bad about the way I acted to Cora she didn't deserve that so I need to apologize to her one way or another because in case if I did in fact offend her which I didn't mean to but I probably did an apology would make me feel better about it an hopefully have her understand I didn't mean to act like an ass to her. I take things too far sometimes, I have noticed lately that the filter I have on my mouth has come undone. Words spill out like a flood often with no rhyme or reason when it pops into my head it comes out of the mouth. I need to reseal it because this mouth of mine has gotten me into trouble on a number of occasions, which is regrettable but still happens. The hard part about resealing the annoying box of mine is if I think about what I say I tend to stutter and mess up even the simplest sentence, so you see part good part bad fun huh. Oh well I think i have started to ramble so I shall leave it at that and maybe after I apologize to Cora about my asinine behavior it will bring my ratio back to a human level of like maybe 40% bastard and 60% nice apparently a human level is just a flipped level of how I felt earlier strange. but we'll see hopefully things work out fine cause being an ass isn't fun all the time.
No comments:
Post a Comment