Anxious
Nervous
Eager
Excited
Trepidation
Fear
Uncertain
and the list goes on...........
So many words to describe what I am feeling at this moment inside I am incredibly happy and yet at the same time I have a nervousness in me that is becoming a little unsettling. I am officially done with all of my "class" work for my school and I am about to embark on my externship. The training wheels are about to come off and I have to rely on myself since the crutch of comfort is about to be tossed out the window. A good thing for the most part since I am an adult and can stand on my own, but knowing that if I messed up having the crutch of my teachers was nice. Now I have to put everything I have learned in my 15 months of education to use. I have to go to an office and be the best that I can be, the only problem is me. I have this odd disorder when I stress way too much about every little thing so much so that I have at times made myself sick. I have confidence in what I can bring to the table and from countless letters of recommendation I have received it's a wonder why I let myself twist my insides the way I do. I am partly freaking out because I have no idea where I am going, and our externship starts next Monday. that does not help my calm when I could be prepping and maybe visiting the place before I go in. Knowing is half of the battle right? well I almost feel like I'm at war with no Intel going into a scenario unprepared in a way. I am really excited to get this started and over with since once the externship is over I will be a college graduate. Think about that for a second, if you have read any of my past work here becoming a graduate is quite a jump from some of my transgressions of the past. I mean six weeks from now I will have an Associate of Occupation Studies in Allied Health Care degree. not a certificate but a degree, a piece of paper that signifies that all my hard work has been worth it. I have never really done much in my life to be really proud of to this point at least in my eyes, with this I have something that makes me better. I have had tremendous amount of support throughout the whole process from my friends (Allen, Jess, and Dave) and my awesome parents (Ben and Carol). It has been a bit of a battle but thanks to them I always felt appreciated and also got a sense of pride in not only what I was doing but also in myself. My parents more than anything have been there for me in ways that I cant even begin to think of a way to thank them, they have sacrificed to help me when they didn't have to. I know they are proud of me and how well I am doing I will find some way to repay them the kindness they have shown me somehow I mean I know graduating is a good way but is that enough? I am not fully sure I think they will say it is but I need to find a way to show how much what they did meant to me hmm have to think on that. I am aware that my ramblings have gone on for a bit now but there is so much rumbling around in my head it needs to be written or in this case typed so it is on record. Because dammit I am proud of my accomplishments working full time and maintaining a 4.0 GPA and countless awards is something I don't take lightly I worked hard for those now I just need to find an extern site to show off my enthusiasm and work ethic. With luck (I'm Irish after all I should have some right?) I will be a successful extern somewhere. Look out world I'm coming to rock you!
Like cat hair on a black shirt I'm gonna hang in there
Josh Out!
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