Am I going insane?
My blood is boiling inside of my veins
An evil feeling attacks
My body's shaking...
I have never personally had the opening of a song speak almost my exact feelings at this moment more than Your Betrayal by Bullet For My Valentine has, well part of it at least. I am so angry I am physically shaking, I am pacing around trying to calm my nerves but I cannot seem to wrap my head around it. I was going to use my new web cam to record my next blog entry but I have a feeling if I did it would be a very, very bad idea. Because even as I write this I am getting increasingly angry. But Josh why? what has you so upset? Good question anonymous voice from the invisible crowd in front of me. What has me so upset is a number of things that have created a pyramid or shit that is doing everything it can to entomb me in it. It started when an employee quit with no notice to be with his boyfriend. I would love to go on some horribly derogatory flame inducing rant and use words that frankly I hate when others utter so I shall refrain from that but it's so close to the surface. Anyway that happened as I had two others leaving for the week, so I was two down already, which I had covered just fine. Add in him and straight kick to my nuts ensued, does it matter that it's the week of Christmas and he knows I am short people? Of course not, it doesn't matter to anyone. I have been stressing enough already having a somewhat surprise visitor coming to see me in a few days which while excited I am also a tad terrified, which is a whole other story. Now add on that the schedule that was paper thin already is now being stretched ever further having me of course doing nights again which I wasn't supposed to do anymore as I got "promoted" but since I am the only one who can whatever I'll do it, nights are quieter anyway. Just throws a fucking wrench in my already tight schedule. So i get the schedule fixed people are helping out and we are going to pull through this with minimal injury. Or at least I thought. Then came tonight which I am already tired for since I woke up at noon and have to work all night, my body can't jump back to the night schedule all that quick. I get here and I am already super excited as you know only to hear news that I have to hear. I have hear it because it's me, and only because it's me. I guess I was supposed to be fucking flattered by the fact that the amount of "respect" she had for me meant seeing me already kicked and decided to not only kick me while I was down but stab and twist the knife so elegantly as to make the wound I was already suffering from even worse. Now keep in mind she knows everyone is gone as well, and she knows that the guy left with no notice. So what do I hear? Again good question. I hear her tell me that there is NO way she can work the next two days because of her family being upset she has to work for Christmas eve and day. Really!? Oh no it's not like anyone else has to fucking work all of those days! No wait, oh yeah I do. I am not complaining and neither was she a day ago. But now her fucking mom tells her to just walk out of her job to be with them. Fuck you mom! I swear to god, where is your sense of accountability? That's a great fucking lesson to tell your daughter, hey don't like it just leave. It doesn't matter who has to suffer so you can spend a holiday with your family which most of us are already working. I just don't get it, how can a person who has an apparent level of respect for me do this? It makes no sense, sure I'd love to be with my family but I have a fucking job to pay my bills and I am a grown ass man who has priorities other than pleasing everyone. My parents know I have to work and are cool with it. Why can't that bitch just cool off and not spit in my face? I am supposed to call her in the AM to tell her whether or not to bring her shirts in. I always love a threat of leaving from someone who knows what that kind of work ethic does to me. Which is what makes what she is doing even worse she has seen what this has done to me in the past and recent, yet can't make one fucking sacrifice to help out. Then she adds even more salt to my already super fucked up injuries and tells me the guy who quit with no real notice because he was already in Vernal way out of town and state with his bottom of a boyfriend is in fact going to be in town on Christmas but not going to be working. I am so angry that she would mention that I almost punched her. I seriously thought about writing his address down and making him bite the curb. Open that present you son of a bitch, a nice curb stomp all nice and wrapped just for you you'd love it, you get to bend down put your mouth on it and boom money shot! Of course I will never do that because thanks to a sense of moral high ground I can write and think about it all day long but never put that into action which is probably a very fortunate thing for him. I don't know what I have done to deserve to be treated so poorly by people who know how things are. The fact that people cannot show compassion for anyone else but instead be so selfish that it's them or the highway. Well fuck you all, I will buy you a fucking bus ticket straight to hell (so many of them I will need a bus you see). I wish I could just walk away like everyone else seems to be able to do so easily but I actually enjoy my job just hate all the fucking people. Never have I worked at a place with such horrible people no matter the position they all just fucking suck. Merry fucking Christmas! I wish this would have helped me calm down but I am still so furious I need to go take a walk outside, god help those people who have wronged me for they deserve something far worse than I can give, and let no joyful voice be heard.
Happy Holidays!
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