Clearing my head, Like an attic full of nonsense

What's wrong with you? You seem different today. Is something bothering you? I have heard these questions from a number of people lately. I guess if I don't talk loud and obnoxiously people assume something is wrong with me. They aren't wrong, it's just despite the volume of things I share. Some things I just don't talk about. Feelings I have that I would love to express, I just can't. The way I feel is killing me inside, and I am not sure how to ease that pain. I am, I don't want to say falling for, but I am doing something for this girl. She confuses me more everyday, I think we are something and then something shows me we aren't. I have tried wrapping my head around it but I am just unable to. There are signs pointing to go for it, while others scream don't waste my time. I really like this girl, but I am realizing more every day that her and I will never be anything more than we are. Which makes the confusing parts, extremely frustrating. I want to talk to her about this, but I am not sure I am ready for the answer I know is coming. When I look at her I feel better, days are brighter, and things seem like they will be ok. I don't know how to fully describe it, one day we are close and the next we are far. I would love to just hold her and be happy but I just know deep down it won't ever happen. I have tried to move past it, I really have. I just don't know what to do with these feelings I have for her. Being around her has inspired me to write more, the feeling I have for her have been expressed a number of ways. I have written poems to try and understand and let out my feelings. I just don't know what to do.