Recently through a series of questions to myself, I have answered the one that bugged me last time, move or not. I decided it is probably best for me to stay put in my current situation. Let's be real the places I looked at were, to put it nicely, worn down. So in light of that I have decided to stay in my current place. The decision to do so, has opened my eyes to something I was completely blinded to, the filth. I could go into any number of excuses as to why I let my place look the way it does. But for the sake of honesty and the lack of enthusiasm to make up reasons, I will just say I was lazy.Now I did clean up a bunch as I lived there but never to the extent I am currently doing. I should probably give a little background on my place for the first few years I was there. When I first moved in I was doing the graveyard shift at my job and would sleep during the day time. So in keeping with the need to sleep I covered light sources with blankets and dark sheets to dry and darken in as much as possible. In doing so it made my place very dark in the day time, which at the time was ideal. Now I work mornings and sleep at night, it seems pointless to cover them anymore. So I took down the dark making items, and man oh man did it make a difference in my place. My place was bright and well lit without any lights on, a very stark change from what it was previously. Within this new brightness, I was presented with an alarming observation. How dusty and dirty my place was. I could sit here and blame it on my apartment being dark for so long, but that's crap. It was essentially the visual representation on my laziness. I was shocked, I assumed it was alright looking when I cleaned, but boy was I wrong. I initially had this mess brought to my attention by the parentals. I just wasn't able to see it until, I not unlike god (kidding) I said let there be light and light was had. I never saw how dirty my walls looked until the moment I took down all the stuff. I was appalled and embarrassed by how it looked, the fact that I ever let people come over and see it shocks me. I knew something had to be done, I did not want to live in an embarrassment inducing environment any longer, I deserved better and it's time I treated myself to better living conditions. I started with my walls, I honestly never knew walls could be so yuck. I tried what I was told soapy bleach water and that didn't seem to do it for me. However when I got a magic eraser, it all changed. The visual difference from where I had and had not clean was strikingly evident. So much so that I ran out and bought a ton more erasers. I put on some sweet tunes and started to go to town on my walls. Taking a step back every so often to see the progress of it. I was amazed at how much better it looked with just a bit of effort, seeing the contrast of clean and unclean parts was eye opening. I had white walls and now they were showing their I guess white. I wanted to clean in an order of some kind, but have been moving from spot to spot, doing this and that. My place is looking better, it is slow going though, but I am making progress and it is starting to make me think about myself differently.
I have noticed a change as I started to clean my place, I have seemingly decided to get rid of my childish trappings. Not really sure why this came about. I was organizing things and felt, well, off holding onto this stuffed red monkey. I have not matured (trust me), yet I found myself not wanting it around me anymore. I decided to donate it to some kids who might get some joy, perhaps the joy I had with them. I donated them as I think I would have felt wrong throwing them away. So hopefully the kids they go to have fun, as that's all I can ask for. I threw away a bunch of other things, you know, miscellaneous knick knacks and the like. I don't want to say it was freeing to get rid of these things, but it felt as though I was putting aside my past. Things that reminded me of times long gone, essentially holding me from moving forward and finding new things to hold dear. Sure I will keep some of them but I got rid of the stuffed animals (mostly monkeys) because let's face it what adult needs stuffed animals around. I need to mature with my decor, certain things will never go away like the video game stuff but I need to have my apartment reflect the person I am now. I may be a man child but I am still grown so here is hoping changing will help my place give off the appearance of someone more mature than I truly am.
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