How does one define failure? If you accomplished so many goals yet the important one still eludes you is that a failure or a cup half full type of moment? Lately I have had this cloud hanging over me a cloud of worthlessness, I try to get away but it seems to be following me around getting bigger as each day goes by. I don't like to feel like I am worthless but I can't help it since I am not wanted like I should be. Was the last year or so of my life a waste, I've had opportunities present themselves and I squander them. With no rhyme or reason I keep being turned down for what I went to school for. I am qualified for the positions yet people don't take a chance on me. I have changed so many things to try and be what they want, but I know that I'm not a smooth talker or a robot my personality is one of my greatest strengths in my eyes but while trying to show my professionalism and personality, my personality seems to be my weakest point. I don't know what to do these days I am bearing down on being a complete failure in my eyes. Sure I have a good job now that I am good at but it's not enough it should be but it's not. I studied so damn hard and passed everything that came my way, so why is it I can't seem to get past the interview? It's hard for me to not be depressed about the whole situation, I have no one to turn to. I tried and people keep saying it will happen or just gotta keep at it keep your head up. With so many rejections and failed interviews my head is becoming very heavy and hard to keep up. Maybe there is something fundamentally wrong with me, something that they see that makes them pass on me again and again. I don't know to be honest it's just a difficult time for me with student loans creeping ever closer to my throat and the sense of failure not fading any time soon. I had an interview earlier yesterday that I thought went well, but from past experience when I think it goes well I am usually wrong. I can only hope and pray I am called back for a second interview, I need a win really bad these days and an opportunity like that would be really nice. I don't want to get too excited with the prospect of a call back so when they don't call I'm not so well for lack of a better word beaten. Only time will tell maybe I did good for a change if history is any indicator it's not likely. I need the cloud following me to have a silver lining, something to give me hope that things will get better. I've heard the saying when one door shuts another opens. What do you do when there are more doors closed and far fewer that ever open.
No comments:
Post a Comment