A few days later now since my last post and as much as I wish I could say my sense of self worth is improved, sadly it isn't if anything it may have gotten even lower. Given the fact I interviewed on Tuesday and never got a call back I am pretty sure they went a different way or as I am starting to call it the norm. I really thought I did well on this one, I mean I know I have ranted on this already but I just don't know anymore. Call them on Monday and ask why they made the wrong choice and didn't take me. Is that a good idea? will I really want to hear why? Are they going to accuse me of not taking it seriously or think my attitude was unprofessional? Or was someone actually better suited than me? It's with these pivotal self doubt questions I wish I drank so I had some escape from the internal struggle I feel between completely changing who I am or just giving up all together. I know my last few posts have been rather depressing and I might even scare some people into thinking I am in some sort of personal danger. Trust me that is not the case, even though I am low like the Mariana Trench (lowest point) right now, I still love who and what I am. It's just too bad people can't see in me what I see. I hate to feel worthless but until someone takes a chance on me my level of worth will be in the crapper. I'm even starting to lose my cheery side these days and it's all because of this stupid ass week which started off with two possibilities and left me with none. Add on top of the cherry shit sundae that has been my week the fact that I am working through the weekend (sure it's overtime but still) Now I can't sit at home and bathe in self loathing like a planned haha. All because some 90 year old woman died shocker really cause lets face it 90 is the new 50 oh wait no that's just plain old. Insensitive perhaps but that will happen when the mood is like outside (dark) See I should be compassionate to the plight of someone else and the death of a loved one but for reasons stated above I just simply don't care. Opinion of me changed yet? not like me anymore? To be perfectly honest after proofreading all of that I don't like me either, it's not me, It's more the weepy somber little bitch that has taken up residence in my personality that is starting to bum me out. I need something to evict it so I can become the me people gravitate towards and like to talk to, and not who I am presently. Hopefully I will find something akin to that soon if not it may develop some sort of squatters rights and be troublesome to be rid of.
No comments:
Post a Comment